Don’t ask what an elderly, ex-child-model cat is doing surfing YouTube, but this is what would happen if said cat came across Kittens Inspired By Kittens.
“Kittens: Inspired by Kittens!” How she shrieks!
That dreadful girl. But wait a minute.. wow!
When I was in that book I was so cute!
And people liked to take my photograph.
Now I am old and ugly, who would dare
To pat my scabby head? But I was fluffy.
Adorable. With many other fluffy
Prima Donnas: oh, the hissing and the shrieks
Our poor photographer got when he dared
To try to get us posing, I mean, wow,
He thought that cats would pose for photographs?
All of us look so innocent and cute
I’ll tell you now: He didn’t call us cute
When we destroyed his winerack with our fluffy
Little paws, and wrecked the photograph
By pouncing on his hands. The angry shrieks
When we drew blood! “You BASTARDS! OWOWOW!”
Ah, memories! I don’t know how he dared
To persevere but nonetheless he dared
And now this little horror thinks she’s cute
With funny comments. Wait a minute. Wow!
There’s those three sisters, all so white and fluffy!
She thinks they’re singing? Oh, their squalls and shrieks
Would hurt her ears! Now, where’s my photograph?
I looked amazing in my photograph!
What will she say about me? If she’s dared
To give one of her nasty little shrieks
Implying that I’m not insanely cute…
For then I was adorable and fluffy.
Look there I am in all my glory. Wow
“Bow wow chicka bow wow chicka bow wow”?
Is she implying that my photograph
Is somehow smutty? I was cute and fluffy!
I simply can’t believe that she has dared
Sully my name like this. They call her cute?
I’ll claw her eyes out! Then you’ll hear the shrieks…
I used to be so fluffy then, but wow…
The shrieks you’d hear if I were photographed
Today. You’d never dare! I was so cute.
Tom Juniper Poetry 