Yeah… I love my job…
First off, has everybody got a coffee?
Are we all here? Whose turn is it to chair?
Can someone volunteer to take the minutes
We’ve got a lot to get through, let’s crack on.
If something needs to go on the agenda
Speak now or hold your peace. Right, let’s begin.
Well, first of all, I think we should begin
By making sure we’re all paid up for coffee
The kitty’s three pounds short. On the agenda
It says we must resolve this. As the chair.
Can I propose we all pay up, come on!
By 5pm? Just put that in the minutes!
Oh really! Someone’s got to take the minutes!
Let’s sort it out, or else we can’t begin!
We can’t have petty quarrels going on.
She did it last time, and paid for your coffee,
So now it’s your turn. Why? Cos I’m the chair!
And I say so! What’s next on the agenda?
Why do you disagree with this agenda?
You’ve had it on your desk, with last month’s minutes
Since yesterday. You notify the chair
Well in advance, before we all begin
The meeting proper. You just drink your coffee,
Cause really, now, we must be getting on!
So, how is everybody getting on?
Let’s hear from all the teams. On the agenda
It says here ‘general catch up’ after ‘coffee
Fund’ so kindly put it in the minutes:
Who wants to go first? Somebody begin!
If no-one volunteers, then as the chair
I’ll have to pick on someone. Who’d be chair
Of you unhelpful sods? We’ll soldier on
We’ll wait in silence till you all begin
To crack. Because it is on the agenda
And must be done. We’ll sit and watch the minutes
Crawl slowly past, and sip our cooling coffee.
I am beginning to hate being chair
Only the coffee keeps me hanging on.
On my agenda? Torch the sodding minutes!
Tom Juniper Poetry 