This poem is NOT for Tony Walsh’s birthday. Apparently he didn’t want one, because sestinas are “posh poetry”. Fine, then.
I understand you’re here because you’re interested
In learning more about posh poetry
The high flown forms unsuited to performance
No cheap and tawdry jokes or laughter here!
My poetry is serious, not rude
We’ll start of with the sestina or sextain.
I hope you do not think that I’ll let sex tain-
T my poetry! No! I’m not interested
In anything that’s untoward or rude.
Quite intellectual is my poetry
You’ll find none of your innuendoes here!
Mine is a pure, enlightening performance!
Although it may well hinder my performance
To use, more than six times, a word like “sextain”
And hope that there’s no smutty pun to hear
When vulgar listeners are interested
In sullying my noble poetry –
Implying that the word I chose is rude
I know that when you hear it, it is rude.
I know that when you come to a performance
You’re hoping for a kind of poetry
More “carry on” than “carol-ann” – and “sextain”
‘s the sort of word to get you interested
But really, I can’t help it if you hear
Exactly what you all expect to hear.
Some cheap and tasteless poem, low and rude,
About some lady who is interested
In locating a partner whose performance
Will leave upon her sheets a sticky sex stain.
Well fine, if that’s what you call poetry!
But sextain is a form of poetry!
Who’s interested in innuendo here?
Oh. All of you prefer a rude performance!
Tom Juniper Poetry 