Sometimes I really wish I was a Tory
And saw the world so clearly in my mind.
I wish I could believe the simple story
That says that with a bit of daily grind
The poor and needy can become successful
My liberal sensibility’s so stressful!
I find seeing the bigger picture stressful.
It would be easier to be a tory.
If hard work’s all you need to be successful,
Then slogging out my heart I wouldn’t mind,
Knowing I’ll be rewarded for my grind
And have a happy ending to my story.
So why do I suspect it’s just a story?
Why are these public service cuts so stressful?
Why do I get the feeling they will grind
The poor into the dirt? Is that the Tory
Ethos? They don’t think the poor can mind
Because only the lazy aren’t successful.
But it is easy to become successful
If yours is a prep school and Eton story.
I see how it might never cross your mind
That being underprivileged is stressful
If I was rich, perhaps I’d be a Tory
believing my success came through hard grind
When I’d not even ever had to grind
My fresh-made morning coffee, so successful
Was the sense of privilege which, as a Tory,
Became the only palatable story.
And any other worldview would be stressful:
To think my wealth was luck would blow my mind!
Some days I really think I wouldn’t mind
Abandoning my roots and daily grind
Being a trendy lefty is so stressful!
If I could be posh, thick and quite successful,
And scoff over champagne at tragic stories
Of public sector cuts, I’d be a Tory.
It’s stressful, but I think I know my mind:
I’ll never be a Tory, though the grind
Is hard, it’s unsuccessful, that old story…
Tom Juniper Poetry 