Today’s question was asked by my small neighbour Isla, who wondered about her uncle’s past when she saw a picture of him in a suspiciously piratical hat. (It was his graduation photo.)
Still, one doesn’t like to disappoint…
Now gather around and I’ll tell ye a tale
Of the deadliest pirate to ever set sail
Who once loved the tang of a nautical breeze?
Yer own Uncle David, the scourge of the seas
Oh ye’d not think it now when you see him, so mild
When he’s on his allotment, as meek as a child
With his corduroy trousers and sensible shoes
But when he went to sea, he was really bad news.
Back in those days of course, he was called Deadly Dave
He was dreaded and daring and brainy and brave
And his ship was a beauty, the Flyaway Fox
And his dastardly crew didn’t even wear socks!
Oh the gold that he stole, and the rum that he smuggled!
To catch him alive the authorities struggled
At last he was cornered, near old Whitby Bay
But before they could shoot him, he scarpered away.
Well he knew that he couldn’t go back to the sea
And he wept, for a pirate no more he would be
So he threw out his cutlass, and hung up his hat
Got a sensible job and moved into a flat.
We don’t talk of it now, for it just makes him sad
Oh the glorious days when he used to be bad!
But sometimes when the wind blows from over the sea
He remembers the time he was reckless and free.
Tom Juniper Poetry 