Oh a broken heart I was nursing
Swore I’d never love again
But a voice inside said don’t just hide
There is more that you can can gain
It is time to get back out there
20 years since you were single
But my social skills
Are a real buzzkill
And I don’t know how to mingle
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
I downloaded OkCupid
Had a look at who was there
I was full of hope
But I soon said nope
For the cupboard it was bare
All the people who I matched with
Were people that I knew
And a fling with a friend
Has a sticky end
I was seeking someone new
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
I’d heard Tinder was more promising
More potential dates to choose
And they must like me
For me to see them
How then could I lose?
And when setting up your profile
You can tick non binary
But the genders you
Are attracted to
Can be strictly A or B
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
I selected “men and women”
Though my preference is more femme
Non conforming guys
Often catch my eye
Wouldn’t mind a date with them.
But once I started swiping
I began to feel bereft
The were multitudes
Of butch straight dudes
So I kept on swiping left
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
So I changed to women only
All the straight guys to avoid
But a bunch, I swear
Seemed to still be there
I was really quite annoyed
For it seems some heterosexual blokes
On their Tinder profiles lie
They’re so sure that dykes, then
Are bound to like them
Like really, dudes? Just why?
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
Oh I spied a lovely lady
On the app one springtime day
And to my delight
We had both swiped right
But this she had to say
“I am on here with my boyfriend
And we both love threesome porn…”
Now I don’t kink shame
Ah but all the same
I am no-one’s unicorn!
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
Now the thing with Lady Twitter
Is they’re all seeking true love
Whereas I had plans
For some one night stands
Not this first date U-Haul stuff
But at last I found a lady
Who just wanted no strings sex
And we’d just begun
To have some fun
When she went back to her ex
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
I had almost given up my friends
Was about to hit delete
But I made a pass
At one more lass
And we arranged to meet
And now it’s six months later
By the grace of God above
It is just my luck
I was down to fuck
But I fucking fell in love!
So a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
But my swiping days aren’t over
Though I’m all loved up you se
For my girl and I
Have a mind to try out
Polyamory
So you’ll find me on Tinder
Though I’m rarely swiping right
Cannot find someone
Only seeking fun
So I’m swiping left all night
But a swiping I will go my friends
A swiping I will go
With a tap tap tap
On a dating app
Yes a swiping I will go
Tom Juniper Poetry 