(There’s no way I can accurately capture the absolute omnishambles of today’s daily briefing from Boris Johnson but here goes)
Friends, Britons, Countrymen: lend me your ears:
I come to bury news, and praise my friend!
And, er, naturally, to allay your fears
As we negotiate this lockdown’s end.
We’ll look at graphs! And all of it’s good news!
Look, rates are falling! We are past the peak!
It’s going swimmingly, and in my view
Schools can indeed open their doors next week!
Now. Questions! “Why did Dominic go out?”
“Why did he break the lockdown?” “Was this wise?”
“Were all those guidelines made for him to flout
And us to keep?” “Were all your statements lies?”
Er. Well. Ahem. You see, it’s plain as day…
(Pssst! Cummings! Help me out! What do I say?)”
Tom Juniper Poetry 