I’m not trapped in some magical lamp, look at me!
I’m the size of a human, that much you can see!
And the lamp in your hand, that I magically came from
Far too little for me to fit into
And yet,
And yet.
So, what does that tell you?
DING DING!
Either I can get smaller,
Or it can get big on the inside.
(For goodness sake,
Don’t start describing your headcanons, please.
No, I’m not The Doctor.
No, no Jinn was ever a doctor
What the hell is a Timelord anyway?)
So, at least we’ve established, my home is enough
The wifi’s not great, the reception is rough
The bronze walls interfere with the signal, but then
It’s secluded and comfortable: pleasantly zen,
Room for me and perhaps the odd guest, now and then.
I’m not trapped in this bottle, you see,
But there’s one thing we should clear up, once and for all:
I’m not waiting here, to be set free.
By some dumb passer by on a quest
Who is fresh out of luck and thinks he
By some well meaning spirit is blessed…
No.
When you rub on the lamp, you do not release me
You’re stopping me having a moment of peace, see
I’m nobody’s slave, but my name’s on the lease. Be
A darling. Move on. And don’t bother me please!
It’s all my own fault, yes, I set up the bargain
You rub on the lamp, and then boom! Here you go!
You’ve earned your three wishes: exactly enough
To get you in trouble. Not out of it, no,
The idea was to put all you gold-diggers off.
Let you tie yourself up in impossible knots
And think “Better not bother the Genie again!”
“We shall know better now, than to mess with a Jinn!”
But instead, you came flocking, like idiot crows
To extract your three wishes, for everyone knows
That the Jinn is just dying to serve all your wants
Doesn’t think you’re a bunch of self-satisfied cunts!
Not at all, just come rub on his lamp, and you’ll see:
He will solve all your problems with his wishes three!
No.
Fuck off.
The deal’s off
Please just leave me alone.
Don’t set up a meeting, don’t email, don’t phone..
And don’t rub on my lamp!
If you do, I’ll make certain
The wishes you make lead to your final curtain.
I’m sick of you people! I really can’t win
Tell me, where is the tonic to temper this Jinn?
Tom Juniper Poetry 