“There’s a terrible monster who lives in the lake
He comes out at night and he eats all the cows
He might even come into Banyoles to take
People out of their houses! We cannot allow
Such a state of affairs to continue! So we
The brave soldiers of Charlemagne, offer to save
The good folk of Banyoles! There will be a fee
But you must see it’s worth it. We’re strong and we’re brave.
(Alright lads, all the bumpkins are pretty convinced
That their cows have been eaten by some scary beast
So it’s time for these fools to get totally rinsed
And this ought to be good for a medal, at least.)
Do not worry, good people! We’ll go down tonight
And we’ll slay the great dragon. Remember the deal?
When we’ve killed it, you pay us. That only seems right.
(What’s that, lad? The monster is actually real?
And it’s killed the whole squadron? It’s just you and me?)
Change of plan, everyone. We have been called away
On, um, Charlemagne business! So sorry to be
Rushing off, but it has been a pleasure, good day!”
“So you say there’s a monster, down there in the deep
Eating cattle and villagers, soldiers as well?
And you’ve woken me up from my afternoon sleep
(I mean afternoon prayer ) just to ask me to tell
You how it can be killed? Such a bloodthirsty lot!
I will pray for the creature, and help it repent.
You think torches and pitchforks will solve this and not
Some diplomacy? I shall divine its intent…
Buenes noches, dear creature. I beg you to cease
Eating cattle and people, in Jesus’s name!
You’re a herbivore? Well my child, you go in peace
You’ve been lied about cruelly, and that is a shame.
Well, this tale of a tyrant was only pretense,
Oh you fools of Banyoles, I fear you’ve been had!
Yes, he did kill some soldiers, but in self defense.
Since you sent them to kill him. It’s really too bad!
Take some cabbages, cauliflower, peppers and corn
And make peace with this creature who means you no harm
And if Charlemagne’s soldiers come back, just be warned
That they are the ones who caused all the alarm.”
And from that day to this, people frolic and swim
In the lake at Banyoles, no fear of attack
From the monster (whom they have assumed is a him)
Oh and Charlemagne’s soldiers? They’ve never been back.
Tom Juniper Poetry 