I was just about ready to sleep
When some strange little men came to creep
Right up into my cave
Were they stupid, or brave?
Well, they weren’t going to rustle MY sheep!
So of course, I flew into a rage
Which nothing at all would assuage
But the taste of their flesh
The meat’s best when it’s fresh
So I kept them, alive, in a cage.
I did not want them getting away
So I started to eat two a day
I’m a bit of glutton
But tired of mutton
So the change, it was more than ok!
Oh they pleaded and begged and asked why,
What had they done, that they had to die?
I was sick of the bleating
About to start eating
When one shoved a stick in my eye.
Oh the pain, it was really severe.
I was blinded, but still I could hear
So I asked for the name
Of the one who had maimed
Me. He told me. His voice was quite clear.
In retrospect, I should have known
He was lying, not just by his tone
But I had just been stabbed
As I wildly grabbed
At the stick, I soon started to moan.
“No-one’s hurt me, my brothers! Oh please
Slaughter No-one! Make sure that you seize
No-one quickly and slay
Him: he’s getting away!
You must bring No-one down to his knees!
This did not have the wished for effect.
It worked pretty much as you’d expect
They all thought I’d gone mad
Now I know I’d been had
At the time, though, I didn’t suspect.
It was easy for them to escape
A blind Cyclops. I felt for their shapes
But my sheep all seemed fine
On their way out to dine
But I soon realized my mistake!
They’d all snuck out! I’d never felt worse
To be fooled by my food: that’s a first!
And then “no-one” said this: “Here’s
A tip: Blame Odysseus!”
At least now I know who to curse!
Tom Juniper Poetry 