You cannot hug your friends. You can go shopping.
Can’t visit family, but work is fine.
It seems as though it been decided: Stopping
The spread’s less vital than the bottom line.

We can appreciate the NHS
By clapping every Thursday. But we can’t
Provide the PPE they need. Much less
Pay them a living wage. They simply aren’t

Important. Not like the economy!
A second spike’s a smallish price to pay.
(We mustn’t call it it herd immunity,
But that is what we’re doing, anyway.)

Though some of you, of course, will end up dead,
That’s still better than being in the red.

We’re launching it! It’s time to track and trace!
I think the roll-out’s going rather well!
We’re being seen to act, and saving face
(PR has, lately, been a living hell.)

The login doesn’t work? Well, chin up, chaps!
I’m sure the boffins will soon sort it out!
We always have to get used to new apps
It’s for the country’s best, we have no doubt.

We’re not storing your data. Do not fret!
We’re trustable. There is no need to fear!
Clap for the NHS, and don’t forget
When we release the app, to just sign here:

And do your duty, sooner, and not later.
You can, of course, trust us with all your data

Breathing. A thing we take for granted if
There’s nothing wrong. In, out, in, out. Have you
Experienced that feeling when each breath
Is obvious? And all that you can do

Is think “in, out, in, out” and you’re aware
That if you stop, you die? But these days we
Are noticing it more. It’s always there
Taken for granted. Well, it used to be.

Imagine, then, the insult, if the cause,
(In this pandemic, so many deceased,
Through loss of breath,) of you being robbed of yours
Was not coronavirus, but police.

So take a deep breath in, and hold, and let
It go. You can: it’s easy to forget.

#BlackLivesMatter

It’s difficult to think about the fact
That things used to be different. I’m so
Accustomed to a life that isn’t packed
With journeys and appointments, I don’t know

If we will ever be able to go
Back to the way things were. I don’t believe
We will. Things change. Perhaps we’ll have to show
Our ingenuity. Perhaps we’ll grieve

The way things were. Perhaps we will deceive
Ourselves. Pretend it’s all just as it was.
But we will know the tangled web we weave.
We’ll always be aware of what’s been lost.

Hugging and kissing when we greet our friends…
A custom seems so natural, till it ends.

Enough of lockdown! Now’s the time to plan
To visit friends and family, at last!
We thought we weren’t allowed. Turns out, we can!
The terrifying shadow that was cast

By Covid-19 wasn’t all that bad:

We just overreacted to the rules.
The guy who said “stay home” went to his dad’s!
We took him literally. We’ve been such fools!

But now, our old life is within our reach!
It’s safe, I’m sure, if schools are opening.
Before the kids go back, let’s hit the beach!
Enjoy our summer, since we missed our spring!

If “stay alert” means “do just what you like”,
They must be sure there’ll be no second spike.

Look when I said “Stay home” of course I meant
“If staying home is difficult, go out.”
You should have known the rules could have been bent.
I don’t know what you’re all so cross about.

You could have dropped the kids off with a friend
If you were sick, or held your mother’s hand
For one last time, before she met her end. It’s not my fault you didn’t understand.

And yes, I drove to Barnard Castle, too
But don’t you think you’re being quite unkind
Bringing that up? It’s what I had to do
To double check that I had not gone blind!

I’ve done no wrong, and won’t apologize.
I’m sure the public will accept my lies.

(There’s no way I can accurately capture the absolute omnishambles of today’s daily briefing from Boris Johnson but here goes)

Friends, Britons, Countrymen: lend me your ears:
I come to bury news, and praise my friend!
And, er, naturally, to allay your fears
As we negotiate this lockdown’s end.

We’ll look at graphs! And all of it’s good news!
Look, rates are falling! We are past the peak!
It’s going swimmingly, and in my view
Schools can indeed open their doors next week!

Now. Questions! “Why did Dominic go out?”
“Why did he break the lockdown?” “Was this wise?”
“Were all those guidelines made for him to flout
And us to keep?” “Were all your statements lies?”

Er. Well. Ahem. You see, it’s plain as day…
(Pssst! Cummings! Help me out! What do I say?)”

Stay home. Stay safe. Unless you are the man
Who’s telling Boris Johnson what to do.
I am exempt. I’m different. And I can
Do what I want. Because I am not you.

The public have a duty, but I knew
That I was not the public. I could go
Just where I liked in lockdown! And it’s true:
I did! Because, in fact, really, deep down, I know

It’s better for my party if I show
A little indiscretion now and then.
That way, they’ll be disracted and not no-
-tice Boris fuck this country up. Again.

I’m such a scamp! So why not point and jeer?
Ignore the leadership! Look over here!

I haven’t seen my friends in many days.
And I’ve seen friends I haven’t seen in years
At spoken word nights. And all of my fears
About such social interactions, they

Are much the same, but different in some ways.
I see a well loved face. My mental gears
Freeze up. Without the icebreaker of beers
And cigarette breaks, what, now, do I say?

In the before time, I would stand and stare
Unsure just how to join a conversation.
Then get a taxi home, feeling a fool.

And now, I gaze at small digital squares
With faces that I know, feeling frustration:
I’m no more social, on this “social tool”.

I hate the National Institute For Health
And Clinical, well, “Excellence”, because
They’ve let me down. I thought there’d be a wealth
Of headlines, guidelines, SOMETHING I could force

Into my rhymes. Specifically, today
I wanted them to make recommendations
That made the news. I hoped there’d be a way
To reference them. I’m feeling such frustration.

Perhaps you’ll say that I am immature
That there are more important things to cite.
To which I must respond with “OK, sure.
Whatever, bitches.” You all know I’m right:

In this health crisis I’m allowed one vice:
To dedicate Day 69 to NICE.