This poem was requested by someone who wanted a poem about having a brain that’s different.

I have a different brain too.

I think that I think like you think
And you think that you think like me
But my brain is different to your brain
I don’t see the same things that you see

Because I think that you think like I think
It’s something called “theory of mind”
That says people like me cannot fathom
How others think. We’re just “behind’.

But if you cannot think the way I think
And assume that I’m stubborn and bad
Is your theory of mind any better than mine?
No it’s not. And that makes me feel sad.

See, I actually like the way I think
And I promise, I honestly try
To imagine the way I think you think
But you won’t do the same for me. Why?

Fiachra wants a poem about the life of a battery.

I imagine a fully charged battery to be somewhat… overexcited.

I’ve just got so much energy!
I wonder what I’ll do!
I can’t wait to get started
Doing something to help you!
Perhaps I’ll make a torch shine bright!
Or help to power a toy!
I hope I get to do something
That’s going to bring you joy!

Or maybe I’ll be SENSIBLE!
Take on some vital task!
You need a working smoke alarm?
You only have to ask!
I’ve got so much to give to you!
I’m here to help, no doubt!
And I’ll keep right on giving
Till my energy runs out!

But then what happens? Maybe
I’ll just be thrown away.
No good to you, I’ll be chucked out
No more to help you play…
I won’t just be unhelpful –
That causes me alarm
Because a thrown out battery
Can cause a lot of harm!

But if you’d just recharge me
Or recycle me, then yay!
I’ll get to help somebody else
In some new, different way!
I’ve just got so much energy!
I need something to do!
Whatever job you’ve got for me,
You know I’m here for you!

Saoirse asked for a poem about Celtic Roundhouses. I am very pleased by the fact that Saoirse’s sister, Bonnie, also asked for a house-based poem, so it’s like this poem and poem #1, Bonnie’s Kitchens, are sort of like sisters too.

I live in a house that’s a square house
In a long line of houses the same
It’s made out of concrete and mortar and bricks
And I think that it’s sort of a shame
That there’s so many edges and corners
And that even the garden is square
And the fireplace is fitted right into the wall
And there aren’t even real flames there.

I wish that I lived in a roundhouse
Like Celts did, a long time ago
With walls made of something called wattle and daub
(which is mud, sticks and cow poo, you know)
There isn’t exactly a garden
Like a path and a small, grassy square
There are forests and fields and rivers and lakes
So the garden is just… everywhere!

It’s built in the shape of a circle
In the middle of it, there’s a fire
There’s no lights or TV or computers because
They do not have electrical wire.
There’s an oven for baking your bread in
And there’s stones you can use to grind flour
And the roof is a big, giant upside down cone,
It’s not boring and oblong like ours!

I cannot go back to the Iron Age
But I’ve read all about it in books
I’ve seen pictures and diagrams, videos too
And a roundhouse? I know how one looks
I am going to build my own roundhouse
When I’m older. I’ve made up my mind:
Because out of the different shapes houses can be,
I think round is my favourite kind.

Moss requested a poem about a frog who lives underneath a top hat and is friends with a worm. They have tea parties.

My name is Monty: debonair
Amphibian extrordinaire!
You might expect that I, a frog
Would live beside some foetid bog
Eat flies, (disgusting!) croak, (how rude!)
Swim aimlessly about, and you’d
Be incorrect. It’s quite offensive
To presume that the extent of
My high class sophistication’s
Hopping round some vegetation!
No. I’m really quite refined:
Most afternoons my friends can find
Me offering a wide selection
Of tisanes and fine confections
At my house. (I should say that
It’s actually an old top hat
I have upcycled: tres, tres chic!)
And Lyndon comes round every week
For madeleines and Lady Grey
And conversation. By the way
He is an earthworm. I perceive
That once again you’ve been deceived
By preconceptions: frogs and worms
Are often on the best of terms!
Now you’ve been introduced to me,
You really must come round for tea!

My friend Invi’s niece asked for a poem about cool cats. However she did ask in Norwegian so with the help of Google translate I have attempted to respond in kind.

Kule katter synger sanger
I skyggene og i måneskinnet
Søte sanger kattene synger
Etter at solen har forsvunnet

Kule katter danser sammen
I gatene under stjernene
De døser fredelig om dagen
Venter på at natten skal komme

Du vet ikke hva katter gjør
Når de går ute om natten
De har mange hemmeligheter
Alle disse kule kattene.

So… Oisin wanted a poem about two copyrighted characters. A blue hedgehog and a clairvoyant and shunned Latino uncle.

I have done my best.

Hedgehogs are shy creatures
Like to eat worms
And slugs. They curl up
If they’re threatened. In terms
Of adventure, they’re not really interested.
I am different.
I like to run fast
Collect rings
When I curl up i spin really fast.
I do things
Other hedgehogs don’t do.
I am different. Are you?

Yes, my little erizo,
I too am an outcast
But people like you and me,
surely we’ll outlast
The cruelty and ignorance
We after all
Are the vanguard, the ones who will change things.

My little Erizo Azul
I make a prediction that you’ll
Be a hero
Defeat a great evil
A doctor of Robots
One day…
In the meantime,
It’s OK to play!

Collect rings?

To do all of the things
That excite you
The future will bite you.
So live in the present
Do things that delight you.

And when my prediction comes true?

Little Sonic Erizo Azul…
My money’s on you.

Thirza asked for a poem about a person who is chased by a dragon but escapes by running home really fast, with the stipulation that the phrase “Liam Peeum Lemon Squeeum” (her charming name for her father) should feature.

Can do, Thirza!

One hot and sunny dinner time, young Liam was at school
He was drinking tuck shop lemonade to help to keep him cool
Then he started playing football and his team was going to win
Then the bell went, and the teachers yelled “It’s time to come back in!”

Liam started to get worried cos he hadn’t had a wee
But if he wasn’t there for register, he knew that he would be
In trouble with his teacher, so he thought he’d try to wait
But something made him laugh, and then, alas, it was too late.

“Oh Liam,” said his teacher, as she stared and held her nose
“I think you’d better go and get yourself a change of clothes
Just pop down to Lost Property and see what you can get
You can’t sit there all afternoon, your trousers soaking wet!”

Now accidents do happen, but children can be cruel
And soon news of Liam’s accident was all around the school
In the corridors and classrooms in the playground and the hall
Everywhere that Liam went, he seemed to hear them call

LIAM PEEUM LEMON SQUEEUM! Liam Peeum peed his pants!
LIAM PEEUM LEMON SQUEEUM! Had to do the pee pee dance!
LIAM PEEUM LEMON SQUEEUM! He drank too much lemonade!
LIAM PEEUM LEMON SQUEEUM! Just look what a mess he’s made!

The afternoon went on and on and on, but hometime came at last,
And Liam left the schoolgates, running very, very fast!
And instead of going home he went as quickly as he could
Down the street and through the fields and then deep into the wood

Soon the chatter of the classroom wasn’t ringing in his ears
But then he looked around and some completely different fears
Started creeping into Liam, for he saw a spooky cave.
But went and looked inside because he wanted to be brave

In the darkness he saw something that was shining like a jewel
He thought “If I find some treasure and I bring it back to school
They’ll forget about what happened, it’s the only way, I think!”
But as he went to grab the stone… it looked at him. And winked.

Liam ran out of the cave and hardly dared to looked behind
And the sight he saw, it nearly scared him right out of his mind
An enormous scaly dragon crawling out into the light!
And it smiled and said, “How lovely! I could just do with a bite!”

Liam started running faster than he ever had before
Through the woods and through the fields until he got to his front door
With the dragon flying after him, its nostrils shooting flames
As it snarled “I eat up little boys when they play stupid games!”

Liam went inside the house and nearly fainted with relief
But the dragon was still out there, with its nasty pointed teeth
So he ran up to the attic and he pulled the window wide
And he shouted to the dragon who was waiting there outside

“DRAGON PAGGON LEMON WAGON! I am not afraid of you!
Oh you saggin’ flaggin’ dragon, what d’you think you’re going to do?
DRAGON PAGGON LEMON WAGGON, you had best not even try!”
And to his surprise, the dragon started, suddenly, to cry!


And the dragon sobbed “It isn’t nice to call a person names!
I was minding my own business in that cave, and it’s a shame
To come and bully dragons, for I’m sure that you must know
That I wasn’t going to eat you, I just wanted you to go!”

Liam felt a little guilty, for he knew just how it feels
To have people call you names: it’s never something that appeals
So he said “I’m sorry, Dragon, I did not mean to offend
And I don’t like bullies either, do you want to be my friend?”

And the next day in the playground, everybody stopped and stared
As Liam strolled in smiling, and his friend behind him glared.
No one called him Liam Peeum. For I hardly need to state
Bullies never bother someone with a dragon for a mate!

Laila asked for a poem about unicorns ON a rainbow. I have employed a small amount of poetic licence.

There’s a rainbow in the sky
Far away, far away,
You can see it in the distance
Any sunny rainy day

It’s so beautiful and shining
Way up high, way up high,
But we’ll never see a rainbow
Very close. I’ll tell you why.

Well a scientist will say
That it’s light, only light,
That’s been split in different colours
That is why it shines so bright

But this simple explanation
Isn’t true, isn’t true,
There’s a secret about rainbows
And I’m sharing it with you

What’s a rainbow really made of?
Unicorns, unicorns,
With their shining manes and tails
And their iridescent horns

As so joyfully they gallop
Flying free, flying free
So fast they look like streaks
Across to sky to you and me

Now a scientist will tell you
That I’m wrong, that I’m wrong
But while science is important
Unicorns just don’t belong

To the world of facts and theories
Shining bright, shining bright
A rainbow can be unicorns
As well as being light.

Jacob wanted a poem about turtles under the sea.

Teeny tiny turtles
Crawling down the beach
Have never even seen the place
That they are trying to reach

Teeny tiny turtles
Know they’re going to be
Although they’re born upon the land
Creatures of the sea

Teeny tiny turtles
Where is it they go?
Once they set off swimming
Even scientists don’t know!

Teeny tiny turtles
Getting bigger every day
Somewhere in the ocean
The turtles hide away

Now they’re teenage turtles
The size of dinner plates
They’ve eaten lots of seaweed
To help them put on weight

They swim in the Sargasso
Until it’s time to go
Back to the beach where they were born
But how do turtles know?

Time for all the turtles
To swim for miles and more
They flap their floppy flippers
And race towards the shore

No longer tiny turtles
They’re big and strong and fast
And after years and years at sea
They’re coming home at last

Tremendous titan turtles
Crawling up the sand
To do the things that turtles
Like to do upon the land

And soon, one sunny morning
I’m sure there’s going to be
More teeny tiny turtles
All heading for the sea.