Sestina Day 58: Sonnet Stress

This one is for Emma, who will now kill me. (posted late due to falling asleep on the sofa!)

I think I’ll go and have a cup of tea
And count the syllables in every line
I need to hear each trochee and each iamb
To try and turn my poems into sonnets
But I am never sure which words to stress
And you keep telling me I’ve got it wrong.

I just don’t get it. What have I done wrong?
“I THINK I’ll GO and HAVE a CUP of TEA”
Is fair enough, but not co-FFEE? The stress
Is getting to me.  When I write a line
You ask “why do you want to write these sonnets?
It’s not about the syllables. The iamb

Is what’s important.” What the the hell’s an iamb?
Or is it an iAMB? Which one is wrong?
All I would have to do to write a sonnet
I thought, was count the syllables.  Like “tea”
Is nice and short but “coffee “ makes the line
Too long. You say it’s fine, because the stress

Makes “coffee” just like “tea”! I know the stress
Is making me go crazy.  I think that I am
Better off with prose, where I can write a line
And know whether or not I’ve got it wrong.
And when I go and have a cup of tea
I never have to fit it in a sonnet.

So tell me what’s so great about these sonnets
In any case? They cause a lot of stress
I cannot even make a cup of tea
These days, without trying to count the iambs
Don’t get me started on the trochees! “Wrong!”
They seem to say. “You cannot write a line

Just give it up! It’s simply not your line
You’re better off with free verse than with sonnets.”
But one day I will know when it is wrong
Soon I’ll be able to hear it when the stress
Falls on a syllable to make an iamb
But just for now, I’ll have a cup of tea.

I’ve got it wrong. Though nearly every line
‘S Iambic, to a T, it’s not a sonnet!
Going insane with stress? Why yes, I am!