To The Sheffield Poets (Poetry Form Eleven: Stave)

This is a stave – which is a Scottish drinking song format.
I’ve limited my targets (cough) subjects to Sheffield poetry night organizers as I reckon they can handle it. However, if you appear in this poem and would prefer not to, contact me and I’ll delete your stanza.
Likewise, if you’re a Sheffield poet and you feel you should have been immortalized in verse, and I know you, let me know – at your own risk – and I’ll try to oblige!

Here’s to the poets of Sheffield town
At an open mic they can’t stay down.
To those with political points to make
To those who rhyme for rhyming’s sake
To those who cheerfully spurn convention
To be honest we all do it for the attention

Here’s to Turner, John. Always draws a crowd
He was on the scene before Words Aloud
Now he’s Speaking Easy, and what a perk!
He’s got student slaves to do all the work!
Well, he’s old enough to withdraw his pension,
He’s only doing it for the attention

Here’s to Skinny Stan and his merry band
Singing sea shanties upon dry, dry land
His poems of course are really tops
And nobody makes more use of props
An outrageous cheat with his rhyme and …scension
He’s only doing it for the attention

Here’s to Helen Mort and her faithful hounds
She’s just moved back so she’s doing the rounds
A published poet with bookings and books,
She deflects with grace all the envious looks
With a lack of smugness or condescension
But really she’s doing it for attention.

Here’s to young Joe Kriss with his Jesus face
Seems to read his verse in a state of grace
But he’s up till midnight (well, 3am)
Calling PROPER poets and booking them.
Will his famous friends trigger his ascension?
He’s only doing it for the attention

Here’s to Calvert-Toulmin – her first name’s Jude
Whose dramatic readings are frankly…lewd!
Though her true forté is erotic prose
In the Northern Lights inspiration flows
To each open mic she brings sexual tension
But you know she’s doing it for the attention.

Here’s to Roberts, Gav. He’s devoid of pomp
And he’s grafting hard to get us to ROMP
If you meet him once, you might think he’s shy
Till he’s on the stage screaming OCCUPY!
For his strong convictions he needs to mention
But really he’s doing it for the attention.

And here’s to me, with my word obsessions
Trying to use sestinas to fight oppression
Running poetry slams, to my own chagrin
For now I can’t enter, I’ll never win!
Now I’m scanning you all with apprehension:
Look – I wrote this song just to get attention!